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access_time Feb 16, 2020 19:36:56 GMT 2
MERCY JACKSON Told me pick my battles and be pickin' 'em wise
But I wanna pick 'em all and I don't wanna decide
xx
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access_time Feb 16, 2020 19:41:10 GMT 2
  SHE LONGED TO THROW SOMETHING AT HIM. A CHAIR. HERSELF.
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access_time Feb 22, 2020 22:02:21 GMT 2
I WANT TO RUIN THAT MAN. I DON’T WANT HIM TO EVER FORGET ME.
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access_time Feb 28, 2020 17:55:33 GMT 2
  julia michaels / worst in me
But maybe it's the worst in me
That's bringing out the worst in you
I know we can fix these kinks
But the worst in me doesn't want to work on things
But the best of me wants to love you
But the worst in me doesn't want to
zella day / shadow preachers
You make we wanna love, hate, cry, take, every part of you
You make me wanna scream, burn, touch, learn, every part of you
eli lieb / kissing your tattoos
Don't know if it's love or just a fling
Push you out or pull you in again
Maybe just a midnight rendezvous
But I'll stay here kissing your tattoos
witt lowry / your side
I've got hurt in my heart deep, you'd have to fuckin' rip it out to see
I'm insecure and can't stop obsessin' on my successes
No matter what I do, I just never can see my blessin's
I wanna tell you that I'm sorry, yet I tell you I'm leavin'
You said you love the real me, even when I don't believe it
Instead of saying "I love you," I'm goin' out with my friends
Instead of saying "I love you," I say "I'm goin' to bed"
I should prolly let you in but I don't know how
I should prolly let you win but I can't back down
I don't want you to leave, then I tell you to go
If everything were to crash
I wouldn't give a single second that I spent with you back
See, you make me a better me, you're everything that I lack
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access_time Mar 11, 2020 22:25:03 GMT 2
I HAVE A RECURRING DREAM IN WHICH MY FATHER BREAKS THE NECK OF EVERY PIGEON IN THE PARK. I HELP: A GOOD DAUGHTER.
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access_time Apr 10, 2020 23:36:31 GMT 2
PEOPLE WHO GREW UP WITH SHADY/CRIMINAL PARENTS: WHAT DID YOUR MOM OR DAD TEACH YOU WAS OK TO DO THAT YOU LATER LEARNED WAS ILLEGAL OR SERIOUSLY FROWNED UPON?
If we were at home and they yelled "PIGS!" We were to hide behind the couch and be silent. If we were in the car and they yelled "PIGS!" We had to crawl into the floorboard and not move a muscle.
I was kidnapped in grade 3 by my mom's supplier. He held us for 2 days. We had no idea. My brother and I met him before, lots of times. When he showed up at school and said our parents were on vacation and to go with him, we did.
They had soda and oreos and a puppy and a Sega genesis and it was the best weekend of my life.
* * *
Dad gave us some solid advice that I always remembered. "Remember - don't break the law when you're breaking the law."
It applies in so many ways. For example, don't run a stop sign when you've got weed in the car. Or don't speed if your inspection is out of date. Or don't get the police called for a noise complaint if you've had a beer while underage.
Shady guy, but oddly wise in many ways.
* * *
I used to be told EVERYTHING was ok as long as you don’t get caught. They kind of said it like a throw away phrase but I really took it to heart. It gave me a real lack of respect for any authority at all and made it seem more like a game then real life consequences. I would do illegal shit just to get the rush of wondering an whether or not I’d be caught. Once I was caught I would just shrug and act like their “winning” didn’t bother me.
* * *
Don't talk to cops or any 'straight' people. I didn't know why at first, but I lived in terror of 'straight' people. I got congratulations for making it through FBI questioning when I was probably 6 years old when they raided our land. SWAT teams are scary. Boobs are good for smuggling. Cleaning out stems and seeds is a fun summer job. Don't say anyone's name on the phone. Those are just a few things I immediately recall. Ooh, I forgot to add how every now and then people in our circle of friends would move far away for a while and change names and we weren't EVER allowed to call them by their old names. My mom also made us believe that morphine was an excellent pain reliever for all ages.
* * *
I was basically taught to play dumb, act like you belong, and you can do whatever you want. We snuck into VIP lounges, other people's buffets and parties at restaurants and events.
* * *
My dad grew up always in a fight. He was arrested several times, kicked out school because he was the poor kid and grandpa wouldn’t put the bottle down long enough to pay his books. The obvious poor kid in every way. He took a lot of shit for it but eventually got good with his fists just because he had to.
He taught me that no matter what if you are in a fight that the person who hit you is trying to take your life. There is no fighting for fun. They hit you. They are trying to kill you. In those instances I was to go for their eyes and their throat immediately. “If they can’t see and they can’t breathe they”re fucked. You get to go earn your blood party”.
I beat the fuck out of two kids first week of kindergarten and got kicked out. We had therapists show up and the whole thing.
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access_time May 1, 2020 21:14:58 GMT 2
SIBLINGS: YOUR ONLY ENEMY YOU CAN’T LIVE WITHOUT.
 
 
 
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access_time May 7, 2020 23:59:50 GMT 2
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access_time May 9, 2020 0:00:35 GMT 2
       OH, BY THE WAY, IF YOU EVER SPEAK DISRESPECTFULLY AGAIN ABOUT MY BROTHER, I’LL KILL YOU. SORRY, THAT SOUNDED LIKE A JOKE. I WILL ACTUALLY KILL YOU.
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access_time May 11, 2020 21:10:49 GMT 2
marina / primadonna
I can't help that I need it all
You say that I'm kinda difficult
Got you wrapped around my finger, babe
You can count on me to misbehave
I know I've got a big ego
I really don't know why it's such a big deal, though
When you give, I want more, more, more
I wanna be adored
halsey / sorry
I've missed your calls for months it seems
Don't realize how mean I can be
'Cause I can sometimes treat the people
That I love like jewelry
'Cause I can change my mind each day
I didn't mean to try you on
But I still know your birthday
Someone will love you
But someone isn't me
billie eilish / you should see me in a crown
You say, "Come over, baby
I think you're pretty"
I'm okay, I'm not your baby
If you think I'm pretty
You should see me in a crown
I'm gonna run this nothing town
Watch me make 'em bow
One by one by one
One by one by
You should see me in a crown
Your silence is my favorite sound
Watch me make 'em bow
One by one by one
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